what scares the shit out of me

i really like the title i chose for this one, its kind of blunt but to the point. i think its great!


everyone has fears. things that they may not call a "fear", maybe it's just more like a worry, ya know a tic on their back.
and maybe everyone's worries and fears aren't the same, maybe some aren't as severe.


well, i got alot of tic's on my back:


don't laugh, here it goes..


im scared of falling asleep/the dark. and it is probaly my #1 fear, not even kidding! it's so silly and pathetic of me. but i've always had the fear of falling asleep mostly because im all alone in the dark. sometimes i'll stay up for a while just thinking of things that could happen to me while im sleeping and it will literally keep me up. and as far as the dark goes, if it's really dark when i get home late, i will call mom and tell her to stand by the door. sad, but so true.


gaining weight has always been one of my fears. i've never been over weight, if im anything im underweight. i know the mirror lies, i see only what my mind see's but it's hard to keep that in perspective. i don't think anyone knows how insecure i am about it, and i have never wanted anyone to know. so it's a big deal that im even writing this one down. no, i've never had an eating disorder. it's just something that lingers in my mind before i eat anything or while im getting dressed. im not underconfident, i have good days and bad days just like any other girl. im just extremely cautious i guess.


im afraid of bridges and heights. new bridges scare me because well, they are new. and it's funny because you would think i would be more afraid of the older bridges.. maybe im scared they aren't built as good as the old? idk. im getting better at bridges though, because before, i had to cover my eyes and hold my breathe until i made it across.


knives. i think i already explained this one before, but i'll share it again. so if i walk in the kitchen, and there is a knife lying on the counter in my direction eeek, omgah freak out spasm! i hate it, hate it, hate it. and i've never had a bad experience with a knife, that's what i can't understand.


dying young. i guess that's everyone's fear though. but i want to live a long life full of suprises and happyness, i don't want to miss out on anything i should have experienced. i want to get married and be married for years! and i want to have babies that look like me and their daddy because he's what i love to look at best, watch them grow and spoil them with all my love..i want all of it, every photograph, prayer, crayon smile and giggle. and that's what kenny calls the "good stuff".