wednesday

today has been just fine

i wouldn't have spent my wednesday any other way

im not ashamed to say i didn't get fully dressed until two o'clock

p.m., that is

only because the movie sex and the city ended at that exact time in my life

i always rewind the part when carrie hits big with her wedding bouquet at least three times

you go girl i yell

hit him harder!

it's almost the same feeling a guy gets when his football team scores

pure justice

i sat indian style with my bowl of overcooked ramen noodles

and enjoyed my movie along with my cat jovi

what do i mean by overcooked?
well i didn't burn them if that is what you are guessing

lets just say i thought that i heard the wind blowing

except it wasn't the wind

it was my pot of amazingness spilling over the rim

they tasted great to me

and why not throw in yet another trip to jackson?

cool

so i bought mom a breadman for christmas, right?

well it turns out, it had a huge dent on the side of it and the lid just would not cooperate

so..
aggravation immediately sets in

needless to say it's unhappy self was going back home to target

can i get a amen?

in an attempt to exchange for a new one

guess what?

there wasn't any in stock

anywhere!

who else buys a freaking bread making machine besides me??

everyone else in the whole united freaking states does, that's who!

american's love bread?

no kidding

isn't that the reason we are so obese?

why can't america be out of slim fast?

okay so that was a little harsh

i will 'simmer down now' on that note

but we did get our money back

and we will be ordering online

why didn't i think of that in the first place?

online shopping is so much easier

so my day ended with apollo 18

and my sweetheart

i felt like i was watching the blair witch project from space

and word to the wise: don't waste your money on this film

it wasn't anything like my all-time favorite

armaggedon

featuring steven t

but it sure was nice to squeeze the life out of garretts arm

on the scary parts

or was that him squeezing the life out of me?

..kidding..

: )

simply heavenly

clair de lune

 "light of the moon"

what a beautiful work

but beautiful doesn't quite give it proper credit does it?

it is more beautiful than beautiful

so it deserves a more astounding title don't you think?

simply heavenly

breathtaking

soulfully striken

heart chilling

so much more than my words can express

i want to walk down the isle to my groom to clair de lune

it is so dainty in its unique sound

it has to be played by the angels in heaven

im in love with this heavenly tune

it makes my heart skip stars past the moon



i love you so, i love you dear

 my heart is too big for my chest, i can't deny

it beats for you sweet by- and -bys

it sits cradled with ease behind my barrier of bones

there is no fight to it's fit nor tone to it's song

again and again listen with your ears

its beating louder now can't you hear?

..it only does this when you are near..

i love you so, i love you dear

im embracing the rain



..its a careless day..

my blue eyes are peaking out of my bed room window

im embracing the rain

i turned my radio off along with the world
im listening to the wind

 it sings me a song

as the tree limps dance right along

lightning strikes to keep the sound
my toes begin to tap as they reach for the ground

its the most wonderful time..

christmas was wonderful

minus the rain instead of snow
& i really spent too much money this christmas
..but..

i love giving

it makes me happy

so i don't feel bad at all for what i have spent

it's worth every penny to me

i suprised my daddy with a metal detector

he was like a kid scrambling for batteries right out of the box

and im pretty sure mama loves her bread maker too

it just seemed fitting for her

and im sure your wondering

garrett loved his gift

i knew he would

making it a success

im perfectly content without receiving

but of course

the people i love

share my love for giving also

i feel so spoilt

yet so thankful i have so many wonderful people in my life

who love me

so, so much

like

my sweetheart suprised me with car lashes!!
only kidding of course
he got me a camera
even better

i don't think he took into account the after effects of his purchase though

because last night i made him take a bizillion silly pictures with me

im pretty sure he realized he had created a monster

. i am a girl..

what did he think was going to happen?

christmas eve was spent watching my cookie faced nephew

race his scooter through meme's house

"it's okay, i have a scooter man"

oh, lets not forget watching cars 2 for the fifth time in a row
while aunt cowie attempted to make cake balls

they look great

but i don't have the patience to make them

ever, ever again

its like scrapbooking

i just don't have the patience for it

candy making, that is

christmas parties are the best

we played dirty santa at one of garretts familys house

i stole a candle that i didn't feel bad at all about stealing

because it smells amazing

and its called

"butt naked"

to which his mom states:

she has never smelled anything butt-naked that smells that good!

so it really felt like christmas this year

to me

next weekend we will begin a new year

so much has happened this year

i can't imagine what will be of 2012

i guess we will just have to see

i want to leave a legacy

its 1:08 a.m.

& after not too much thought, i have decided i don't want to close my eyes just yet

..i just want to write..

when i write i feel like i am on a little island all to itself in my mind away from the beat-bopping world

just for a little while

its where i can sit down and breathe out my silly somethings

my inner thoughts become wispy winding words that lead to my ultimate desire

its my beautiful escape

not that i am running from anyone or anything

everyone needs their me time

this is my me time i guess

others may venture into reading that book they neglect so often

the book that sits atop the shelf collecting dust

i love books myself but i also love writing my own story

im getting older everyday

and im starting to realize how precious life is

so i like to write as much as i can

i want to leave a legacy

so that way the world will remember me

a gate way to my heart

a place where the people i love can feel each emotion i uncover through each word i write

 my heart being the "x" on the map

although my heart isn't hidden

its too grand in size to hide even behind the tallest mountain

its hereditary

dating back straight from my paw paw's heart

its true

when my heart loves it gives it all

my heart would run a marathon for the one i love

i can't help but love

it is what i was born to do

give with love

my heart doesn't desire to win the noble peace prize

or win a gold metal to represent my accomplishments in life

i just want to be remembered

smiled upon when seen throughout the world

and looked back on often

tie my ribbon around your heart like you would your finger

that way you can remember to think of me

often

my free spirit and i

there, watch once more as the sun shares its radiant heat

but here i am, my feet are planted in this bucket of concrete

watch, as everyone learns what is real

but here i am, im suprisingly content with standing still

watch them grow into their new lives

watch them step into their age with pride

but here i am, im here in my own time

with my careful eye leaving nothing behind

here i am breathing in each moment

taking in each memory because i own it

they tell me to fly, fly away

i say, why not live each day by day?

 im willing when life desires
but until then i will soar until its time to fly higher

i refuse to let life pass me by

instead, we will stand here awaiting life patiently, my free spirit and i



is your heart heavy?

let me hold those heavy balloons for you
while you bat your tangled eyelashes at the moon
before you question which road to take
don't forget to leave your worries at the gate

knock the gloom from your shoes on the way in the door
let your care down let it fall toward the floor

lay your heavy heart on this pillow

rest your broken back against that window

she talks to angels



every now and then you hear that song on the radio.  that song that makes the hair on your arms stand up in attention. i love to debunk song lyrics, because a song is not just a good tune to tap your feet to on the dash board, its not all about the drum beats, the guitar breaks, and the sound of the bass. each song has a meaning behind each word.

black crowes song "she talks to angels" always takes my lyrical motor mind for a spin

its so powerful, yet so sad

its that kind of song that keeps you wondering thoughts like,

what is the meaning behind that line?

so take a minute and feel the lyrics for yourself

i will highlight my interpretations in RED

what are your interpretations of this song?

i would love to hear them!

she talks to angels

she never mentions the word addiction

in certain company

yes, she'll tell you she's an orphan

after you meet her family

its obvious that this woman is on a down hill spiral dealing with her heroin addiction. she feels alone and depressed and i feel like she lives in a dysfunctional family. it seems like she is a compulsive liar in an attempt to keep her world sane maybe. she hates her addiction.

she paints her eyes as black as night now

pulls those shades down tight

yeah, she gives a smile when the pain comes

the pain gonna make everything alright

the line she paints her eyes black to me signifies the private world she has created while using the drug and pulling the shades down signifies to me as a way to keep the world she has created to herself. she can be anyone she wants to be during this private time of hers and she wants no interruptions from the outside world. she hates that her addiction has enslaved her, but she knows the pain being the drug of course is going to make everything okay.

says she talks to angels

they call her out by name

oh yeah, she talks to angels

says they call her out by her name

drugs make you hallucinate, so of course she talks to angels..

she keeps a lock of hair in her pocket

she wears a cross around her neck

yes, the hair is from a little boy

and the cross is someone she has not met

not yet

i feel like the lock of hair she carries in her pocket is from her little boys being that he is her child. only a mother keeps a lock of hair, so maybe she lost her little boy because of her drug addiction or maybe her addiction is caused from losing her little boy in death? the cross she wears around her neck signifies her faith she has somewhat kept through it all and probably the only reason she has not ended her life. i believe she prays to relieve her pain and she may even pray for death but not by her own hand. she wants to be with the angels she talks to?

she don't know no lover

none that i ever seen

yeah, to her that ain't nothin'

but to me, yeah me

means everything

the line she don't know no lover, i feel like she has nothing else to give to the world or she feels unworthy of love. maybe she fears loving someone would only leave her in death, again. if noone understands her pain what good is love?

she paints her eyes as black as night now

she pulls those shades down tight

oh yeah, there's a smile when the pain comes

the pain gonna make everything alright

alright, yeah heah

she smiles as a release of pain

she talks to angels

says they call out by her name

oh, yeah, heah, angels

call her out by her name

oh, ooh, oh, oh, angels

they call her out by her name

don't you know that they

call her out by her name?

i feel like the angels she talks to could possibly be her little boy, but im still stuck on that one

this song is beautiful, yet so sad

you are my blessing



i don't mean to brag

but im happy

& i don't like to say im lucky;

im blessed

luck is when you find something you lost at one time in your life

like the back to one of your diamond stud earrings

that old sweater you wore out the stitchings to

your favorite silk scarf that you have been missing

i didn't lose anything

and i don't like to compare the way i feel to a "lucky penny" i found lying on the sidewalk in the sunlight

because you can find anything right before your eyes

its what you find in your heart that is real

i gained something instead

a blessing

you are my blessing

your big heart shines through everything you do

never change

you are a good man

(and thanks for making me paint my neglected toes last night)

i love you joseph garrett

happy two years and four months!

recipe for disaster

(this is for you shelly boo)
you did indeed ask for it!

as you can see there is no pretty picture like that in cookbooks
you will understand why
..just keep reading..

note to self: it is best to not attempt make believe recipes

even if there is nothing else to eat

it is true that it is best to starve in such situations

and if you do, at least make sure the foods that you choose are in the same food groups

go buy yourself a happy meal and be done with it

that's my philosophy now
..kidding..

as you probably already guessed

i made my own recipe for disaster the other night

the bad thing is:

i knew it was going to end badly but i did it anyway

i want you all to know that i really put my whole heart into it

thats all that really matters right?

so i decided to share my recipe for disaster

note: do NOT try this at home!

listen up kids, this be the bible of the blues

ramen noodle pot pie

ingredients:
2 pkgs chicken ramen noodles
2 cans cream of chicken soup
1 hefty can of mixed vegetables
1 can doughboy flakey biscuits
( i can't think of doughboys name)
help me out here

prep time:
im not sure what that even means?
we will omit that part
don't judge me!

..next..

instructions maybe?:
pick a large flat baking pan of yours truly
spray it with pam that is what i did anyway
cook 2 pkgs of ramen noodles to the best of your ability
(its not so hard even i can do it)
regard the chicken seasoning packet though
(trust me, its a bad idea)
spread cooked noodles evenly throughout baking pan
pour 1 cream of chicken soup over noodles throughly
now add that hefty can of veggies
its looking better right?
pour remaining can of cream of chicken soup evenly over veggies
(its called layering homes)
pop open that can of doughboy deliciousness
cut each individual biscuit into four equal parts
now place fours atop all over your lovely dish
(the idea is to cover up as much as you possibly can)
it is what's inside that truly matters?
not so much in this situation
set oven to 350 degrees
place your unlikely masterpiece into oven
wait to see the results

the moral to this story:
i don't foresee myself having my own cooking show in the near future
i will always go by a legit recipe for now on
and
my gift wrapping skills suck almost as bad as my cooking
and im honestly not sure if garrett will marry me after this cooking episode
at least im pretty

grilled cheese giggle fits

you will always have that friend that makes you feel like your in high school again

its almost like your inner child ties your adulthood up away in your old locker for the day

just for a brief moment of grilled cheese giggle fits

well today was one of those grilled cheese days

thats what i like to call them anyway

its the only way i can really express verbally how fun it is i guess

i was one of the dorks that read all of the twilight saga books way before the movies ever came into being

so naturally it didn't take very long for me to grow old of the "the big fad"

and i like to huff & puff about how ridiculous people make the whole vampire and werewolves

out to be the greatest thing since the spice girls

but secretly i think the movies are pretty amazing myself

so sssh...

don't tell!

i wouldn't want it to ruin my stone wall i have built from the beautiful nonsense

i just recently watched new moon in my attempt to catch up with the world i suppose

i figured i might as well keep running

so i called up that loyal friend of mine and we made our way to see

breaking dawn part 1

i was stoked

we bought a medium bag of only the greasiest popcorn ever

and two five-dollar cokes

im pretty sure i called the coke orgasmic

yikes

its funny because i don't think i even ate that much popcorn

yet she ate almost the whole bag and almost chewed her straw away to timbuktu

two hours away from her smokes nearly killed her apetite
its true

and it did

after the movie it was waffle house bound

she wasn't hungry as you probably guessed

so she settled for a cup of coffee with too much sugar

and i on the other hand, treated myself to one chocolate chip waffle and a forgetaful order of hashbrowns (covered)

forgetaful in the fact that my order was almost forgotten

 its hard to eat when a creepy guy who resembles stevo from jackass is reading your mind though

like i said

im just not very good at containing myself in funny situations

& i also like to think that i am pretty clever too

i have quirky ways of distracting myself

for an example:

making a paper mustache from the straw wrapper

indulge in what you have been given

maybe he wasn't reading my mind afterall?

grilled cheese moments always have a way of bringing your age back into perspective

on the ride home we conversated about how the moon looked like a big cheese puff ball

and how we have surpassed all of the "upcoming cool ages"

we were so cool when we finally got our driver licenses at sixteen

we felt independent when we reached the big eighteen

and now that we are twenty -one everything that we thought would be so dope

isn't as dope and we thought it would ultimately feel

so here we are

we are at the end of our happy rope

that is what we had decided

its all down hill from here

we had already foretold our life 8 to 10 years from now in as little as a ten minute drive

how depressing of us?

she took a long drag from her cig on that one

you betcha'

i felt like i had too just from the second hand smoke i had inhaled from the hard fact

but i opposed the thought

"bring on thirty because i will be thirty and flirty" i said

we will not let fine lines and wrinkles take away our grilled cheese giggle fits

no sir

we will never grow up

we have many more grilled cheese days to come

i love the fact that pat benatars "love is a battlefield" chims into my mind all of the sudden

i am such a kid

embrace the face

i have to tell you

i thought twice upon my decision in participating in this

FTLOB linky party

"embrace the face"

only because it is hard to share with the world

of all my insecurities that i keep quietly well hidden to myself

but

honestly

i have to "face" it

 because

it is who i am

and i shouldn't hide my flaws from the world

instead i should do the total opposite

that is to embrace them

because they are what make me,

well.. me

so with that said

i am going to embrace my face

and i hope that i inspire you to do the same

not only today

but each and every day you look into the mirror warhead facing you

because we are all beautifully uniquely made

i believe we were all individually molded carefully in a special way

by the hands of

God

He is the greatest artist of all

He painted his canvas well

and spent each minute worth while creating each masterpiece

making sure it was to

the best of his ability

..every detail..

..every line..

so who are we to question his great work?

i honestly don't have any horror stories from grade school

that would implement reasons to my "beauty scars" that i bestow upon myself

although i have always been my worst enemy in that aspect of life

and i think we all are

don't you think?

i use my hair as a veil to hide my ears because to me

they have always been like that of dumbo

but in truth

my ears are beautiful

garrett tells me so

he even moves my hair behind my ears when he gets the chance

i have trained my smile to hide my upper laterals because to me

they protrude although others would say i have the most beautiful smile they have ever seen

and in truth

they are right

my smile could run a mile and my laugh lines embrace the race

there is nothing wrong with my big toe

i ridicule it often

but it isn't so bad

each freckle on my nose are the salt and pepper seasonings

that sprinkle beauty upon my canvas

and how many people can say

they have two freckles on their neck

that resemble a perfect snake bite?

God knew that i would someday share his love for the stars

so He blessed me with the little dipper freckles

below my chest

to which i often connect the dots to and treat

as my own personal

 constellation of outer beauty

my eyes are the perfect shade of blue

for me

because they are the same blue interwined with strides of gold

of that like my daddys

they are a keepsake that i will always have

and i will always see him through them as well

my nose shares the same curvature as my mothers

but it also ends with the same roundness tip of the nose as my daddys

this is me

yet there is so much more to me than my face

my beauty lies within

it is in my heart

it is true that i am a poet at heart

my strong will

my sweet spirit

my careful thoughts that i like to share with the world

my wonder

it is in fact

my true beauty

" beauty lies within"

so i bought my cat a fleece jacket

so here i am

in my favorite pair of baggy boy pants and a cup of hot chocolate in my hand

extra mini mallows

oh, and my cat

who for whatever reason seems to like eating my rubberbands

cats are weird

and they will lick anything

jovi would eat a booger if the opportunity arose

and apparently it isn't normal to buy your cat clothes?

but what is so normal about buying your dog clothes?
i don't see the difference, myself

checkout lady: aww.. what kind of dog do you have?

me: .. i have a cat
[insert awkward blank stare here]

usually i tend to lie and say things like, "oh, i have toy yorkshapoo"

but is that even a dog?

so maybe my cat isn't as cool as the cat with twenty-three toes
 but she does rock a fleece jacket

come what may and love it

im getting older

and the thought of it instantly sends realization chills raging through my veins

the same veins that have grown along with me every day of my life
 each branching into new directions

somewhat like my life has over the past twenty-one years

they say as you get older

the years seem to pass by quicker than you can blink your eye

i never thought i would say the same

but i am

i can think back to when i was a little girl

it comes as snapshots to my mind
there i am twirling in my sisters poodle skirt that swallowed my tiny body in the front yard

the wind making the moment seem magical

singing along with patty loveless to "i try to think about elvis" 

she was the spark that began my love for music

i didn't know it then but i was taking my first baby steps toward performing

on that old wooden deck of ours filled with our countless cats we seemed to inherit

 from the neighborhood

the woods and those cats being my audience

mom and dad would sneak peaks from the french doors overlooking me

music was destined to be with me

its funny how things change

like the woods

the old wooden deck

me

i have experienced everything a girl should have experienced so far in life

from being the silly freckled faced five year old

to the heart broken sixteen year old

friends have been made

and sadly have been lost

high school seems so long ago already

i remember thinking to myself on that last day of school

"where am i going now?"

and the funny thing is

im still asking myself the same question

where am i going now?

as i look in the mirror

i can still see myself singing and dancing on that stage of mine

i see the same eyes that cried for reason when the first guy broke my heart

but i also see a girl who has become her own

a girl who overcome everything she thought she wouldn't so far

and even though she thought she lost her heart back then

she never did

she never lost it

she saved it for someone who never knew he was waiting for it

someone who would take care of it

so i gave him my heart

 where ever im going

im going

im on my way

day by day

i don't know what will come

but i know that i am the happiest that i have ever been in this moment that im living right now

& i know there will be trials

there will be days when i think i can't handle the things that come my way

i will see both rain and shine

come what may
i will love it

my kaleidoscope daze

i always regain a sense of humbleness when i gaze up at the night sky

it seems to always remind me how great He is

and how small i am

even the moon is aware of its uncomparable size

im mesmerized

somewhat in a kaleidoscope daze

as i wonder through my eyes that even a telescope could not define

it is a breathtaking moment that can only be felt with true intent

its like that of a prayer that makes its way past the roof toward the heavens

making careful assurance that each star feels every stitch of gratitude

how many stars could there possibly be?
and this is only a small portion of which i can see

what a fool i am to overlook such beauty

while as i lay asleep dreaming, countless stars look over me

 we feel sadness when we lose who we are

yet we see beauty in each fallen star

& i believe if you have joy you will also have sorrow

that which makes you weak only makes you stronger

and i believe if you have joy you will also have sorrow

we often say that joy is greater than sorrow

but what is sorrow without joy?

they are inseparable

each born to synch with one another

the thorn that pricks you was created just the same as the magnificent rose it belongs to

and is not the same bee that stung you the source of such heavenly honey?

the tears you cry in pain, surely they are born from the same source being to comfort

so there it is plain as day

there is good in bad

and there is bad in good

may we thank the thorn who punctures our unwary skin

because that same thorn made our skin thicker

bless the bee who stings our pride

but also shares with us good health

be thankful for the tears that smite our joy

yet lay our hurt to rest

davanee

i have a poets heart and a writers pen in my hand, its second nature to me

i have always loved the name davanee

its a name i wish to name my little girl oneday

that is, if i have a little girl

this poem came rushing past my lips like that of fireballs

so of course i had to write it down

& its not finished yet but

..i hope you like..

davanee

who will you be?

does your heart grow vast as the endless sea?

will you make the world believe?

oh davanee, who will you be?

does your light shine bright as the countless stars?

do you make heaven seem not as far?

will you show the world who you are?

oh davanee, who will you be?

davanee

who will you be?

will you cure those blind of love to see?

and those who hunger for reason will you feed?

oh davanee, who will you be?

i got carded for buying nyquil

this rainy day seems to somewhat compliment my snotty nose im rockin' around

i have been sneezing non-stop all weekend

kleenex after kleenex

nothing seems to help, not even nyquil

all it seems to do is give me a hangover

thats no fun

who wants a hangover you didn't even earn?

and you know, i actually got carded at walgreens for nyquil last night

i wish i was kidding

although i was swapping out brags to a lady in line in front of me the great effects the shet has on me

and what is worst?

sounding like marcel the shell with shoes on doesn't quite adhere with my retainer im wearing

(if your seeing question marks, youtube marcel the shell with shoes on)

what a funny combination

garrett likes my retainer

he thinks it is cute

should i be worried?

he has been a good sport this weekend

even though he made me drink his special blend of a nasty cup of alkaseltzer w/ sugar

he took my temperature and..

"if you drink it all, you can lay your head in my lap baby", he said

he takes care of me

but its monday and i really need a pick me up

so

without further ado

im going to get that mccafe' peppermint hot chocolate

that i love so much

toodles my noodles

speak to us of giving

the prophet by kahlil gibran is one of my favorite books

i keep it on my night stand

i also believe it is a book everyone should read

it is an inspiring book of 26 poetic essays written in english by the lebanese artist/philosopher/writer kahlil gibran. he writes of a man named al-mustafa (the prophet) who just before leaving from the city of orphalese leaves the people of the city with wisdom on different topics such as dealing with love, marriage, children, giving, eating and drinking, work, joy and sorrow, houses, clothes, buying and selling, crime and punishment, laws, freedom, reason and passion, pain, self knowledge, teaching, friendship, talking, time, good and evil, prayer, pleasure, beauty and religion and so on..

the chicago post said of the prophet  "... if there is a man or woman who can read this book without a quiet acceptance of a great man's philosophy and a singing in the heart as of music born within, that man or woman is indeed dead to life and truth"

so since christmas is the season of giving

i thought i would share what the prophet spoke of giving

"then said a rich man, speak to us of giving

and he answered:

you give but little when you give of your possessions.

it is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

for what are your possessions but things you keep and guard for fear you may need them tomorrow?

and tomorrow, what shall tomorrow bring to the overprudent dog burying bones in the trackless sand as he follows the pilgrims to the holy city?

and what is fear of need but need itself?

is not dread of thirst when your well is full, the thirst that is unquenchable?

there are those who give little of the much which they have-and they give it for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome.

and there are those who have little and give it all.

these are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty.

there are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.

and there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism.

and there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue;

they give as in yonder valley the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space

through the hands of such as these God speaks, and from behind their eyes He smiles upon the earth.

it is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding;

and to the open-handed the search for one who shall receive is joy greater than giving.

and is there aught you would withhold?

all you have shall someday be given;

therefore give now, that the season of givng may be yours and not your inheritors'.

you often say, "i would give, but only to the deserving."

the trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pasture.

they give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish.

surely he who is worthy to receive his days and his nights, is worthy to all else from you.

and he who has deserved to drink from the ocean of life deserves to fill his cup from your little stream.

and what desert greater shall there be, than that which lies in the courage and the confidence, nay the charity, of recieving?

and who are you that men should rend their bosom and unveil their pride, that you may see their worth naked and their pride unabashed?

see first that you yourself deserve to be a giver, and an instrument of giving.

for in truth it is life that gives unto life-while you, who deem yourself a giver, are but a witness.

and you receivers-and you are all receivers-assume no weight of gratitude, lest you lay a yoke upon yourself and upon him who gives.

rather rise together with the giver on his gifts as on wings;

for to be overmindful of your debt, is to doubt his generosity who has the free hearted earth for mother, and God for father."

what an inspiration.  we should give unto others while we are living, give in love and in return feel joy. we should also take a look at ourselves before judging who deserves to be given to. i hope i inspired you to continue reading his great work.

decemberly

so this is going to be my december 1st post

because i was obviously too lazy to update thursday night

here is my excuse:

thursday night was the christmas parade

i guess i could blame my lack for posting on the chilly weather huh?

the parade was dope

especially the sonic boom band

i love the sound of an old beat up college drum

it reminds me of aerosmiths song "living on the edge" where they feature the sound of a bass drum tyler stole from his high school

four loud beats are heard from that drum in a pause between the final verse

and chorus

the sound just makes your heart pound right along with the boom

i want to play the drums so bad i cant stand it

after the parade me and garrett got a bite to eat at popeyes

needless to say we beat the crowd

everyone else went straight to waffle house just as i had guessed they would

we ate our chicken while a guy behind us serinaded us by humming and singing along to sara bareilles' love song on the radio

"head under water.... hm hmm hm hmm.."

and i am so not good at containing myself in funny situations

bless me

i just can't believe we are in the month of december already

& im not at all ready

it still seems like we haven't had thanksgiving yet

what the world!?

its all dope

christmas is the bomb

and im so excited because garretts christmas present came in the other day

i know i seem overly excited

well i am

im not good at picking out "men gifts" at all

i never have been

im a girl

men are manly so it makes things difficult

and usually if you do see manly light bulbs blinking

they already have that idea

or ten others

so what do you do?

here babe, you want a pocket knife?

how about a socket wrench

flashlight?

mens cologne?

oh i know

the classic wallet!

oh, you got that the last two christmas's?

of course you did, bless your heart!

..and they say women are complicated..

..so 1 gift down-many to go..

its all dope

i have been trying to convince garrett that i need car lashes for my jeep for christmas

but he says no

he just looked at me like "are you out of your mind??" when i explained what they were

but the car lashes could potentially take away from my bad azz tude while driving

hmm?

last night we decided a christmas tree would fit in the jeep liberty

and it did

i personally thought it would look funnier on top of the jeep

but why bother when it rode just as great inside the jeep

splendid

so how is your first days of christmas starting out? are you broke already too? i know sucks right?



polyvore pfanatic!

elffin' right!

where have i been all my life??

i have been seeing polyvore stamped all over the bloggy world

so i decided to take a wack at it

since i deactivated my facebook account

(you heard me right)

this may be my new obsession?

..if only i could afford these pieces..

this is my first polyvore

it describes me perfectly

im a rockstar!

am i right!?

it gives me the love goosies

you can hear the most beautiful songs you have never heard played lightly in the background of tv shows if you really pay close attention

i found this song while i was watching an episode of ghost whisperer

and it gave me the love goosies right away

the lyrics are the strings that hold my heart together

and hearing it takes a beat away like a breath from my heart

everything

by rob blackledge

standing, here in this moment

watching, tomorrow unfolding

so quietly

it captures me

takes me back to

an innocence,

i barely remember

a hopefulness

a first time together

im trembling

im holding in

but you reach right to me

you see straight through me

everything that i thought never would now is happening

a brand new horizon is opening

im hoping we

don't miss this moment

you showed me how

life is worth living

i have no doubt

it's all about giving

im reaching out

right here right now

don't you see...

i'd give you everything

the first step is always the hardest

but worth it

from the day that we started

we've overcome

we've joined as one

and the stairs are winding

but we keep on climbing

everything that i thought never would now is happening

a brand new horizon is opening

for you and me

don't you see

i'd give you everything



july 31 2009

so there is this guy that i met

his name is garrett

i have been on two dates with him already

they were both great

we stopped talking for a little while

i was crushed

he was too

and couldn't get him off of my mind

i worried about him

i talked to a few guys afterwards

but none of them were him

he wrote me a letter that made me cry

and now we are talking again

 the second date was the charmer

he took me to natchez and we ate at cock of the walk

we sat on a park bench overlooking the river after we ate

we just talked and talked

i think that i have fallen head over heels already

i really like him

theres just something about him 

i have never felt so drawn to someone i barely know like this

taking it slow

im just so glad we are talking again

i really missed it..

its a love rebirth

i know i seem like a girl who could write a sonnet devoted to love

well i could

my heart beats louder than it ever has

its practically beating right from my chest

bomp bomp bomp bomp

in and out each valve of its anatomy

for him

& if there was a prize for the girl with the biggest heart for her man

i believe i would win it

when i think, i write so im writing tonight

im happy

where i am now

with garrett

he is the greatest gift God could ever give me

he's pretty amazing

i was thumbing through some old journals the other day

there were so many memories that i had forgotten so easily

 God obviously has alot to do with the way the heart works

its almost like your born again when you find that special someone

instead of a spiritual rebirth

its a love rebirth

what a silly way to talk of love right?

i had laid those memories to rest so long ago

i found a difference in how i talked of love then & now

not that i needed any sort of confirmation at all

it was just nice to see before my eyes

what a great love i have now

much greater

a love so great it put every page to shame in that old journal

i was so nieve about love then

it wasn't real

i honestly thought my life was over on the last page i read..

....but the truth was

it hadn't even started yet

i have a sweet warm smile to come to now

those arms that hold me with every ounce of care

 lips that speak kind words to me instead of words that hurt

i have it all

i have everything that i never knew i always wanted

and it feels good

badass on a banshee

first of all

it has been a minute since my last post

here is what you missed:

thanksgiving

and it was wonderful and i hope that yours was as well

dressing, turkey, garretts aunt kathys (amazingly yummy) honey ham, and desserts galore
family

it was nice
did i black friday?
jello no!
although i did venture out on some online black friday savings!
i was not about to be dragged out of walmart with a towel wrapped around my neck!

holidays make me excited

especially our next big, big holiday coming up....

christmas

i finally got garretts christmas present ordered and it will be here any day now!

im so excited because i have a feeling he is going to really really love it
it is something he needs
i just hope it does the trick

of course, i can't share with you all because im not sure how much he actually reads my blog posts

i mean, im sure he creeps me

he loves me why wouldn't he?

i would creep me

moving on..

i got my hair cut
(will post pictures later)
and tricked garrett into thinking i cut it this short

it actually looks like it would be very cute, but i just can't cut my nappy hair

so today was dopier than dope

wiggins sand dunes/racing with my love was the plan

i heard the clock at 5:45

hit the shower..

we grabbed the boogie

which is my gps

its a magellan

 why didn't i name it majello?

...and headed out with the crew

rain rain rain was in the forecast of course

but we didn't get too wet
although we (the girls) did get stuck on a monster of all sandhill in the rhino
three damsels in distress
where did our men go?
over the hill
boocockie
luckily there were four handy men there to wrench us down
they just happened to be a racing team abbreviated
(C.R.A.P.)
cactus racing and performance, that is
and they are posting pictures on their facebook page
how embarrasing right?
i think they enjoyed saving three women a little too much

but it could have been a bad deal
but it wasn't
kuddos to the crappers


so to the race hill we go

there was alot of competition..

but

garrett won first place

i wasn't suprised though

how much did he win you ask?

oh, a t-shirt

he calls it his 90 dollar t-shirt

since they all had to pay so much to race

he is such a badass on that banshee

he loves it

& i love him

this is what i call art

..some of the best pieces of art can be found all around you..

it doesn't have to be drawn magnificently on a piece of paper

or painted on a blank canvas

it doesn't even have to be molded from clay

or built from iron

i call these true pieces of art
or i would like to think they are
some may call them vandelism
but in my opinion
its only vandelism if it is ugly
and these are far from it
they are beautiful
to me

i think i'll have a glass of wine now

..so this a.m. could have started out a little easier..

first punch of the day:

i woke up from a really, really bad dream

one of those dreams that makes you feel bad for dreaming such a dream

why did i dream that?

i didn't look it up in my dream dictionary

even though i thought about it

i just felt like it would possibly freak me out even more

so i didn't

i dreamed i watched as one of my close family members was burned to death

i didn't burn the person of course

i just stood there watching as he saw death pursuing him before his eyes

it was detailed, too detailed

& it was like i was helpless, like i couldn't do anything for him

almost like my body was immobilized in an ice cube

i couldn't save him

why couldn't i save him?

i feel horrible for dreaming that

i woke up crying and i felt like i was having a mild panic attack

it really upset me

now i have bad dreams alot

but this particular dream was way past intense for me

but im fine

2nd punch of the day:

i got stung by a wasp on my birdie finger

how ironic

he was in my hair!

i was running around the house

from this wasp that was tangled in my hair!

did i actually think i was running away from it!?

you would have thought i was being murdered as loud as i was screaming

but im fine

after being merely killed i managed to finally make it to the shower

thank you jesus thank you

but the wasp was not dead yet..

i cornered the little beast in the bathroom

mom finished him off for me with my zebra danskos

and down the pipes he went

may you rest in peace home fly

and if your wondering how much worse is it going to get, my day did actually get better

i made it to my orthodontist appointment early

a trip to jackson with a good friend

japenese soul food and canary diamonds

and everything is fine